A Monday night party…ruined

29 09 2009

One of the reasons I currently hate fantasy football [forgetting the fact that my teams suck] is that it made me watch the Monday Night Football game last night between the Carolina Panthers and the Dallas Cowboys. But what’s wrong with watching Monday night football? Seriously, it’s a Monday night partayyyyyyyy!!!! Actually country singer, who’s name I don’t know, if I were having a Monday night party I would not be sitting on my couch with 6 other dudes completely sober [but I digress].

As an avid Jets fan, this game between two teams in the NFC meant very little [if anything at all]. I don’t care for the Cowboys and their extremely overhyped stadium [that I was forced to hear about every 14 seconds for a second week in a row] and could do without ever having to watch Jake Delhomme throw a football. But back to fantasy…

I was down 2 points in fantasy relying on DeAngelo Williams to outscore Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend Tony Romo. So naturally, I watched to see if I’d pull out a win. Needless to say, if you watched the disaster that is the Carolina Panthers offense, I did not win my matchup. Do I blame it on DeAngelo [with those beautiful dreads, please]? I blame it on the idiot that is Jeff Davidson. Now, I don’t expect you to know who Jeff Davidson is. I had to check Wikipedia to see who the offensive coordinator for the Panthers was. Interesting fact: apparently he worked under the FUPA king himself, Charlie Weis.

For the sake of this blog post [pointless rant] I’m going to assume that as offensive coordinator of the Carolina Panthers, Jeff Davidson calls the plays and runs the entire offense [that’s what an offensive coordinator does right?]. The team as a whole was extremely sloppy. How many times can you commit a dumb dead ball personal foul [linebackers: when you see the yard wide white sideline–> STOP TACKLING]. But there was one major issue that left me steaming at the end of the game…

Jeff, RUN THE DAMN BALL!

2008:

DeAngelo Williams: 273 carries, 1515 yards, 18 TDs

Jonathan Stewart: 184 carriers, 825 yards, 10 TDs

As a comm major, I’m certainly no mathematical genius but I’m pretty sure that’s 28 combined rushing TDs and about 6 billion yards [just checked my old econ textbooks…yup I’ve still got it]. Why, in a game where your team is within six points for 3+ quarters is Jake Delhomme throwing the ball 33 times!?

Jake Delhomme’s 2009 stats: 54/91, 601 yds, 2 TDs, 7 ints

/Checks fantasy standings; sees 0-3 record

/slams head against a wall

Last night, the panthers gave 11 carries to DeAngelo Williams and 3 carries to Jonathan Stewart. And it wasn’t like the run game wasn’t working either. DeAngelo had a 5.8 ypc and looked great against their mediocre defense. The panthers could have established the run and worked their passing game the right way once the cowboys tried to stack the box. Instead they had Delhomme throwing incomplete passes on first and second down, allowing the cowboys to double Steve Smith and sit back in coverage. In fact, Smith’s obvious frustration [he was screaming on the sidelines] arguably led to the pick six at the end of the game when he tried to break off his route. The Panthers were within one score for the entire game before Delhomme threw that last pick that sealed the win for the ‘Boys. Sure, I’m probably a little biased because I had DeAngelo on my team and not the guy who fumbled away an NFC title shot Tony Romo, but the fantasy matchup was the only reason I paid attention to the way the offense was run in the first place. Ughhhhhh.

Oh well, at least the game taught me a valuable lesson: I really don’t care enough about fantasy to put up with shitty football.

Jeff Davidson, you owe me a fantasy win. At least I’m not a panthers fan.

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One response

29 09 2009
Sam Bernhardt

You know what, Jeff Garcia’s been through enough, alright? He’s goddamn been through more than you or I have, that’s for sure. Nevermind that he was a child of seven, and nevermind that he married the 2004 playmate of the year. The guy has two bad seasons, in Detroit and Cleveland, and everyone starts calling him the anti-christ. He comes back and plays 33 games over three seasons, all of which he has a QB-rating over 90. And so the RAIDERS cut him and then the EAGLES cut him. And you know what? I’m glad, because if I can’t have Jeffrey Jason Garcia, no one can. This comment courtesy of Argus News Radio, a production of WESU 88.1 FM.

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